My father recently sold the family home that I have lived in for the best part of 18 years and I moved into a smaller house with my brother, boyfriend and ofcourse my baby chihuahua Mister George. It's not a huge shock to me since a) most people my age live in student houses b) I was in the family home alone a lot of the time so I'm used to cooking and looking after myself. However, living in a small environment with your boyfriend (and brother for that!) has bought both ups and downs.
My boyfriend and I have been together for around 8 months, and so in the scheme of things, not long at all. However, because his family home is in Ireland, in order to stay in England and keep me happy, he's needed a place to live. Around 3 months into our relationship, he moved into my family home. At first, it was heaven! Having your boyfriend at home all the time meant you never had to worry about making time to go and meet them, you could see your friends and do all your normal day to day activities and come home to them in the evening. I actually found it encouraged me to see more of my friends and go out for the day. It also meant I knew where he was at all time mwahahahahaa. (Ok creepy, but I know you girls think the same ;)!) Although spending loads of time together led to many petty arguments, I found shouting, slamming doors and storming off for a while was sufficient to release anger and continue with our relationship. In fact that's the thing I love most about us, no matter how angry we get with one another, we always end up working it out and laughing it off. Perhaps though, this is because we know we HAVE to work it out because we live together. Either way, its no bad thing! If we lived apart, I'm sure I'd have ignored him for days, sent a million texts and worried about the replies and annoyed my friends about it when talking directly to one another or just forgetting it is an instant and less destructive fix.
Moving from a large house to a smaller one has also been an experience. The commitment of being on a tenancy together, as opposed to just having him in my family home was quite scary. I already knew we were capable of living together but this seemed like a huge thing! The other problem is, there is a lot less space to get away! Before we could run off to entirely different sides of the house, now were constantly in each others pockets, even when in different rooms, it doesn't feel like much distance!
I'm not saying that living with James is a nightmare, because aside from his grumpiness, he is the ideal boyfriend. He loves me, he puts up with me and he's so well house trained! He does 90% of my washing up and other chores and he's the best daddy to my little Mister George. Even now he still brings me cups of tea in the morning and at night! It's also like living with your best friend, we can have movie nights every night and get into TV series together. I always have someone to share my joys and moans with, in fact to share everything with! You also have to factor in that our schedules now mean we are virtually never together. He leaves the house at about 10am and returns about 10.45pm from work. And I get up early in the mornings to go to university and spend the evenings alone winding down for the next morning. This means I have a lot of space to do girly things like watch Sex and The City or my new absolute favourite Keeping up with the Kardashians. I also have whole evenings to have my relaxing (lush) baths and do mini facials etc without worrying about anyone being around.
In return, I try and make his life as happy as possible. I do the food shops and make sure his favourite foods are in, and I like to have dinner ready for him when he gets in from work as I know how tiring a full day of retail is as I do it myself 4 days a week! And I love that I get to express that caring part of personality on a daily basis. Its also so great to have someone to share your day with, and experience everyday life with. If someones going to understand you, they have to live your life and with that said, he should have a Phd in how I think and feel. Another aspect is the fact that I no longer have parents to go home to, and I think people who live in their family home underestimate how comforting it is to be surrounded by family. Obviously having a mum to look after you is a huge bonus, but I try not to think about that! So to have people (including my brother) live with me, and talk to me in the evenings really does maintain my need for care and attention. Don't get me wrong, I have fantastic family members around me that I truly cherish, and I know love me to pieces, but its not the same as having people physically living with you every day. One day if I win the lottery, I will buy a house and move us all in together.
On the whole then, living with my boyfriend is a positive experience. However, I have recently become very aware of a few fears and wonder how much strain our relationship is experiencing. Obviously with him getting home so late, and me needing to get up for university, I am usually in my pyjamas, make up free and hair scraped back. I know he loves me for me, and I shouldn't have to feel I need to be made up around him all the time blah blah but I can't even stand the look of myself in the evening and I don't have to look at me never mind be attracted to me. At 24, he probably isn't that excited by the prospect of going home to a mumsy frumpy girlfriend, in her dressing gown every night. And it must be incredibly hard for him spending all day in Bluewater around highly made up fashionable girls, and coming home to Mrs Frumps. Especially since when we first met he made a comment about how the girl he used to live with was always in her pajama bottoms making it impossible to ever find her attractive. He's also experienced a lot of my grumpy side, and once a month, my crazy aggressive side! I know he loves me for my ugly side too, but I don't want that view of me to become the norm. Its hard to stay this beautiful and hot girlfriend when you have nowhere to hide! Obviously I'm dolled up in the day but we don't see each other in the day at all anymore. He might get to see me at my best once a week, but that means 90% of the time he's only seeing the rubbish looking Evie. I am terrified he will get bored of me and our relationship will end because we've drifted apart. And before all your feminists start shouting at me, I'm guilty too. I see him coming home from work tired, and first thing in the morning when he's grumpy. So sometimes its hard to remember the honeymoon period!! And there are times I'm guilty of wondering what it would be like if I could run away with Oliver Sykes, although I imagine it would turn out much the same! The grass is never greener and I need to remind myself of how lucky I am to be with such an amazing boyfriend, everyday.
No relationship is perfect, and I think the reason we work so well is because we really try at it and have accepted each others flaws. I think a lot of people just give up too early now a days, although life is short so sometimes that is the best option too! Who knows if its forever, Im only 20, but I'd like to think I've found a good one which I'd be stupid to lose.
Hope this wasn't too much information for you all,
Evie xoxo
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