"You're going to do a blog post about your calf muscles?" - Elle Morse, 2015

First of all, this post is not here to answer stupid questions like "Won't you regret that when you're older?". My ass ain't gonna look so great at that age either but there is nothing I can do about that!

Instead I'm going to talk through my recent tattoos, why I got them and generally my experience of being tattooed. Also, not everyone's tattoos mean something, sometimes they're just pieces of artwork. I just seem to have a hell of a lot of emotional issues ha. 

People always ask me why "I'm getting covered" and the answer is not because its cool. There is nothing cool about being under a needle for hours or having to heal a raw/swollen wound for weeks. Getting my calf done was the most excruciating pain I have been through, you just wouldn't go through it unless you really believed in the cause. So heres the honest answer, it makes me view my body in a positive way. I have always been absolutely obsessed with my body, as this blog demonstrates. If you've read my previous posts you'll know that I have always struggled to love my body. At the beginning of this year I hit 7 stone, I was a size zero, I no longer had periods and I was severely malnourished. And you know what? I bloody loved it. I loved that I could fit into any style of clothing and even at such an unhealthy weight, it still was never enough. I honestly don't think I'd ever be pleased until I became a skeleton. In my head, you can never be too skinny. And even then, there are things I will hate about my body. These hang ups have what have driven placement of my tattoos and I will talk about this in more detail with each tattoo. 6 months on, I have finally got back to a healthy weight, my periods never came back so had to induce them with the pill. Dieting so hard may have ruined my fertility, but at least I was skinny for a while...(What an idiot). In my head, I am fat and feel hugely uncomfortable with my body. The only reason I am not freaking out and dieting again is because my job is distracting me and I am trying to realise health is more important than being tiny. And you have to give it to the Kardashian's, they're making curves popular which is never a bad thing, so I am trying to embrace that! So going back to my original point, I think if you ask most heavily tattooed people why they have tattoos, it'll stem from some sort of insecurity. And personally I think its beautiful that an art form is being used as a therapy to combat this. 

So lets talk detail...

So most peoples first reactions when they see this are either "That is huge" or "That is a bit scary for such a pretty young girl". Back handed compliments are the best haha. This was my first ever big tattoo, I had just broken up with my boyfriend who previously held my hand through everything I did and this was one of the first things I did on my own despite my crippling anxiety. I decided to go to Antony and gave him a fair amount of free reign when it came to composition and size of this tattoo. I had simply specified I wanted a black and grey realistic skull surrounded by my favourite flowers. But it came out more perfect that I could have ever imagined. I guess thats why you pay a good artist haha! So why the dark imagery? Well it is a very literal and also a metaphorical representation of my mothers death in my life. Many people think I am just this 'young pretty girl' but if you're close enough to know me, you'll know the dark experiences I have faced throughout periods of my life and I wanted to represent this on the outside of me. Death leaves an incredibly dark and permanent shadow in your life, that isn't glamorous at all, much like this tattoo. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, people need to stop ignoring this fact and embrace the very real horrors of life. This experience has hugely impacted me, and I care about that more then I care about looking 'pretty'. However, in contrast to the skull, the surrounding flowers represent the beauty that came out of this experience, I definitely grew as a person and was surrounded and protected by such love and people. Daisies are for positivity, Roses are for love. 

Placement wise, I went for my thigh because as the name of this blog suggests, I hate my thighs. Now when I look in the mirror, instead of seeing fat thighs, I see this complex and beautiful artwork. This tattoo is probably still my favourite one of them all (despite the fact Antony keeps outdoing himself). It's the most personal and real representation of me. 

The second tattoo I had done by Antony were these red roses. There's less of an emotional background to this imagery however still represents a beautiful chapter in my life. Getting your arm tattooed isn't a decision to be taken lightly (especially when you come from a very traditional village ha.) It's going to be visible, in workwear, in your wedding dress blah blah. Lots of people close to me were not happy when I had this done, but when did I ever listen ;) I was always conscious about getting my arm done before I had secured my career, as unfortunately we do live in a world still where in some careers, this can hold you back. However, during this month I had graduated and the very next day been offered my job at Topshop Head Office. I never could have dreamed I would be able to do something I love, for good money and still have the freedom to be who I wanted to be. I could write a whole other post on how much I love my job so perhaps I will. So anyway this tattoo represents the time of my life when I realised all the education paid off, and I could earn a living and express myself however I want without being held back by society. I was terrified I had made a mistake when I was getting it done, however it's such a relief to defy what everyone else tells you, and not be scared by what others think or say. Before this tattoo, I thought all my tattoos would be black and gothic as thats exactly how my mind was at that time. The bold colour in this tattoo is strikingly illustrative of me falling back in love with life and bringing colour back to my thoughts. On a more detailed level, this tattoo contains several of my favourite things. Pearls being the obvious since I am a mermaid. The blue gem is my birthstone. The red roses represent passion and romance, whilst the thorns show that with beauty can be ferocity. Something my personality seems to have a lot of. Finally the beautiful deep green leaves (which are my favourite element) can be associated with most of my weekends which are spent in nature reserves and parks with my beloved canines. Nature is my therapy and so it makes me a happy girl to be able to take a little bit of that with me everyday to the big smoke. 

So this is my most recent tattoo. Many might think this was on a whim, but ofcourse with me there is a deep explanation ;) Anyone in my family will instantly get the reference to my aunty who is obsessed with all things Ladybird. I made the decision to get something to represent my aunty after the last few of years of her being my rock. Comparable to a diamond, she is also almost impossible to break. She has been through so much and yet never falls apart. Since my mum died, she has made sure I am not any less loved, treating me like her own daughter. She makes sure I always have that female influence in my life. She takes me on spa days, treats me to all things beauty and fashion and without her, I would probably be a boy :) I know I can tell her anything, and get very real advice back. I wish I was as strong and glamorous as her and as well as this tattoo, I am in awe of her. She has 100% shaped who I am today and because of her I know I am always loved and that is what keeps me together during my darkest times. Deciding on this placement was a tough one, but in the end we went for my calf muscle, just below my knee. I hate this part of my body more than anywhere else. I have genetically muscly calf muscles, as my brother so kindly pointed out to me as a nipper. I remember being at such a young age and googling "How to get your calf muscles minimised or surgically removed' (Turns out you actually can!) This tattoo had a huge response on social media, including a famous beauty CEO retweeting it (Exciting girl thing!). Again, this area which used to be associated with deep seated insecurity and hatred is now associated to positivity and beauty. I really wanted this tattoo to be special and I think you'll agree Ant did this one justice. I now can't walk to work without getting stopped at least once a day on Oxford Street without someone asking who did my tattoos. 

All in all, many may think these tattoos are just a phase, or a show piece but they are representative of so much more, they'll be a part of me forever, just like the memories attached to them. Getting tattooed really is an emotional experience and one that will continue. I cannot thank Antony Flemming enough for taking the time to understand me and create such beautiful works of art that I get to keep forever.  I am so lucky to have such an exceptional tattoo artist who I can trust to create perfection consistantly and who's artwork has made a huge impact on my life emotionally. For that he should be incredibly proud. If I write anymore his ego may explode so I'll leave it there. 

xoxo

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