Do what you want :)

I'll keep this short because I barely have time to wash and eat (never mind sleep) with my new job but I have something to say...

BE WHO EVER THE HELL YOU WANNA BE AND DON'T LET WHAT ANYONE SAYS HOLD YOU BACK.

It's really beautiful when you give in to being yourself. 

I'll get whatever tattoos wherever I want because the artwork makes me happy every single day, even when I'm old and wrinkly. 

I'm not the best singer in the world but I love it, and making music soothes my soul. Especially when I'm hanging out with genuinely talented people.

I love drawing, I'm equally as rubbish at that too but its my therapy and has been since I was a little girl. Never grow out of arts and crafts.

I love nature, I spend everyday in one of the most exciting capital cities in the world surrounded by incredible technology, but nothing beats the complex beauty of creation. Give me all the money in the world and dog walks would still be my favourite thing. 

Sometimes I dress like a goth and sometimes I dress like a girly girl, I'm not a chameleon, I'm just wearing what I feel like. It's fun being something different everyday, changing my physical appearance doesn't change my personality, please don't get confused. 

I write blog posts like this, which I'm sure many people make comments about, but I won't stop writing just to please people who are lame enough to put me down in the first place. I don't want to 'block out the haters', I want the hating to not exist in the first place. Be a nice person. 

Life is completely subjective, make it your experience and make it a happy one. 

Oh and get rid of the negative vibes :) 

xoxo

When all you've got to keep is strong, Move Along.

The most important thing in life is to stay in love with yourself. Not in a narcissistic way. But the second you give up on yourself, you may as well not be living.

Keep pushing yourself. I think everyone needs a break after so many years of education to relax and enjoy no pressure, however don't give up on progression forever. Never settle. There is so much out there in the world for you, so many new people to meet, so many things to learn, mistakes to make and excitement to be had. Every month I look back and am constantly surprised by the new experiences I have had and how each new person has enriched my life. I never want to be in a place where nothing is new. I used to hate change because it terrified me, now the only thing that terrifies me is getting stuck in monotony.

 This year has been a difficult one for me, I broke up with the love of my life, I finished university and my family home was sold in order to begin a new chapter as a new family. For someone with an anxious personality, this uprooted everything I relied on. I got so caught up in anxiety and depression that I gave up on myself completely. Anxiety makes you dislike yourself a lot, and I didn't want anything for myself except security. At my darkest, I didn't want a tomorrow. I couldn't bare the thought of another day. Luckily for me, I had best friends who loved me when I couldn't love myself, I had a family which fed me, made sure I got out of bed in the morning and gave me everything I could ever need. I also cannot thank the people I work with enough for the constant hugs, putting up with the tears and keeping me smiling everyday through a horrible time. They taught me to fall back in love with life again and I don't know where I would be without them. People are in your life just at the right time, and the last 9 months at Topshop/Topman have completely proved that theory for me. They are a crazy bunch of people and some I couldn't be more different from, but I am a better person now because of them.

I feel like finally, after 5 months I am getting back to myself. As much as I hated losing the one I loved, if I'd have stayed in a relationship with him, it would have held us both back in so many ways. We'd have had each other, but nothing else. July is a good month for me as it reminds me in 2012, I ran with the Olympic Torch. I go on about it a lot I know, but its my constant reminder to keep moving and growing. I can't really believe I was lucky enough to do it, nor deserving of it. When I look at that Torch in front of me now, its a symbol that someone out there believed in me enough to award me with the honour of carrying it, and I cannot let them down. I feel like only now, I have started to believe in myself again, and am already pushing to progress in my career and generally be a better person. As far as love goes, I am staying single. I have been in long term relationships since I was 16 and they have been beautiful, however I have spent all my time working on those relationships instead of myself. I think its important, especially in your twenties to have some time to be a free spirit and do whatever it is you want to do. I feel like being in a relationship takes away the spontaneity of life, for me anyway. So for now, the only relationship I'll be working on, is the one with myself. I don't like myself everyday, and sometimes I hate the things I do, but until I make these mistakes I'm never going to learn. A lot of people can't stand me, but equally all the people I care about wouldn't have me any other way and that comforts me a lot.

I used to resent school for pushing me so hard but I wouldn't be the girl I am today if it wasn't for that place. And my Dad who constantly badgers me and my brother to progress when all we wanna do is chill. It seems so much pressure. But now I can't thank them enough as its made me crave success in everything I do. I am incredibly lucky to have a Dad who's worked his entire life just to give me everything I've ever wanted without much in return.  

I am so blessed with so many opportunities and I am an idiot for ever wanting to throw that all away.

One of my favourite quotes is "It's not faith if you're using your eyes" and it couldn't be more true. Things are going to happen to you, in a weeks time, in a years time and in ten years time that you never saw coming. Life is full of surprises and that's what makes it so exciting, don't ever give up because you can't see a way forward in front of you right now.

For the first time in a long time, I am excited about life and if theres one bit of advice I want you to take from this post, its the title. Even when it feels like the worlds against you, never stay still.

xoxo

Twenties are Hard...

This post is aimed for all you graduates who have just finished your last year in education and feeling more than disheartened about the world.

So they say being young is the best days of your life. Unfortunately you don't realise it until the harsh realities of life begin to kick in. I grew up in a very nice village, completely spoiled and totally stimulated. I went to an incredible primary school, where I was always noted for my outgoing personality and creativity. I got into a prestige grammar school (by the skin of my teeth) and was worked to the bone. I always achieved well in academia, as well as being a prefect through school, always running events, conferences, I was really good at things!!! Teachers and Parents always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be, and that I was going to make something great out of my life! I probably peaked when I ran with the Olympic torch in which I won a competition for being a future flame, aka someone who's going to be somebody in the future!

Then I went to university.

Life starts to get a little bit more real, suddenly the fantasy of all your dream jobs is filtered down into realistic jobs. Achieving good grades becomes a minimum instead of an achievement. Suddenly, instead of being top of your class at something, you're merely one of two hundred others that are good at what you're good at, and in some cases better. After 7 years of stress, you just do not have the will to revise any longer, for another year of academia that no one will remember you for. University is hard work. I have wanted to drop out every single year, and luckily I ran out of time and completed the degree before I has finished procrastinating about dropping out. And after 3 years of intense pressure and £50,000 of debt, Im just going to be another girl out of thousands with an undergrad degree. All of this hard work, not to be extraordinary, but to fit the standard. And after all the years of ambition, and sacking off friends to study hard and get to where I want....I now work in retail, no ambition and incredibly low mental wellbeing.

What do I have to look forward to? Im now at that awkward age where I can't afford to rent, and Im too old to deal with the regulations and lack of privacy of living in my parents house. I've been through a rocky few teenage years, which has left me with anxiety and lack of optimism to do anything worthwhile anyway. All the adults I used to look up to, have turned out to be as rubbish at life as I am. Its really no wonder people my age feel the need to get wasted all the time, and cling on to their youth in any way they can, such as travelling and partying etc.

 Its a horrible age, in which you can't settle, in fear of wasting your life too young, so you remain in limbo about yourself, your career, your relationships. All I've ever done is look for the one, and now Im panicking that I'm too young to have been in so many long relationships and I should be enjoying single life, and my friends and other independent activities. I've been in two major relationships, and the last one I was so convinced he was the one, Im exhausted at the thought of going through it all over again. I'm not sure I can go through another break up and I probably have many ahead of me!!

On top of that, should I even be worrying about my career? Most people have several in their life time anyway. Even stupid things like, I'd happily get covered in tattoos, but obviously its not a fantastic idea in the long term since my career path isn't set as of yet. But in contradiction to this, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow so should live how I want to live instead of constantly holding out for a future which realistically may never come? At what point do you stop striving for the future, when thats all Ive done for the first 20 years of my life, and start to just embrace the present? I could study further and get a high paying job that I may not even enjoy just so I can impress others and make money? Or I could find a job I love for a low wage, in which I can be my crazy pink haired self and just start enjoying the little things in life. But that would be a total waste of my education right?

All in all, I feel like your childhood is a decade of fantasy and dreams. Your twenties are the come down in which you realise perhaps you're not going to be the next Britney spears, but equally your twenties are the only time you can go wild before you're forced to settle financially so should we all be travelling the world and seizing the day instead of worrying about our career paths?

The only good thing that has come of my twenties is my friendships. My friends are the only thing that have gotten better over time, despite distance and circumstance they have only grown stronger, and I feel like we all support one another going through this time of change. Some of my friends I have experienced all stages of life so far with, and I love watching them grow and develop from young girls dancing at the discos to young women passing out in the campus bar. I am so blessed to have such amazingly supportive and beautiful friends in my life, and for that I cannot thank time enough...

So young graduates, do not feel disheartened... 20's are hard and its ok.

New York/My 21st Birthday

So for my 21st Birthday I decided to scrap normal life and jet off to New York. We got a really great deal on British Airways for flights and 4 nights in the Waldorf Astoria all for £695 which is a complete bargain considering a flight to NYC alone is £600!! If I wrote about it as much as I would like, it would need its own blog so I've tried to give you a whistle-stop tour!! 

We touched down in JFK around 4pm and there was a horrendous blizzard! I was actually panicking about touching down as the runway was hidden in a foot of snow, but the pilot seemed unphased! We got a cab to our hotel as they use flat rates, ours was $52.80 (£35) which was pretty good value considering the ride was over an hour! We checked in and obviously it was quite late but we decided the one place you have to explore at night is Times Square! It was great, like a little hub of life, despite it being a Sunday, all the shops were still open and it was a great way to spend the first night!

 

The Second day my amazing bestie Vanessa had booked for us to go on a Sex and The City tour! It was honestly a huge highlight of the holiday and doing it on the first day meant that we got our bearings around the city and where everything was! Here I am sipping a Cosmo at Steve and Aidens bar Scout.

Carries Apartment!! Cordoned off because the people that live there are sick of tourists sitting on their steps haha! 

This is the public library, of course famous in its own right, but also for the sham wedding with Mr Big! 

This is Buddakan where Big and Carrie's Engagement dinner happens! This restaurant was beautiful and we ended up returning on my birthday evening for dinner! 

After the tour, we decided since it was the only sunny day of the week, we would take the opportunity to walk around Central Park. It's a beautiful park and crazy that it's set right in the middle of such a busy city. If we had more time we'd have spent more time here however there was so much to do in 5 days we had to be quick. 

 After Central Park, it began to get dark so we decided to head up to the top  of the Rockefeller. What is crazy is you actually really were on the top of the building, not just a floor but climbing the little pointy bit at the top outside! Luckily the beautiful views completely curbed my severe Vertigo! This was probably my biggest highlight of the trip and I'd do it every night if I could! 

After a busy day we were starving so headed back to Times Square for some good old touristy Bubba Gump! Im not a huge eater so I had the Shrimp and Chips, a more impressive picture however is Jame's Surf and Turf! The drinks are great and the food is pretty good too considering its a chain! Obviously quite expensive but thats the joys of tourist attractions! 

The next day was my official 21st Birthday. We did lots of shopping in the day, I managed to spend over $600 in Sephora! We then jumped in a cab and headed downtown to the Meatpacking district to Buddakan. The food is Asian and it was beautiful, especially after a week of stodgy food! I also had the mint chocolate pudding which was to die for! 

Ooops!

Forgot to mention the amazing waffles I had in bed that morning! You'd hope they would be nice for $40 each! 

On the Wednesday we decided to head all the way to the bottom of Manhattan to Battery Park. From here you can see the statue of liberty! We decided not to take the 3 hour ferry closer to it because we wanted to maximise our time! However the few from the park was impressive enough. We then headed to the 9/11 tribute centre and ground zero. This place is incredibly eery and the second you arrive there you have a lump in your throat. I'm definitely glad I did it, and although I'd seen a million and one documentaries, it doesn't hit you that it was reality until you're stood there. 

You can't go to New York without heading to Katz Deli. It pretty much specialise in Pastrami and Corned beef by the pound in a sandwich. Its enough to turn you vegetarian. 

 On our last day we had to check out about 12. There was a huge blizzard and it made it very hard to walk around and enjoy the city. We spent the last day spending any last pennies in our bank account in NikeTown, Tiffany, American Apparel Factory Store (eeeek!!!), Macys, Bloomingdales, Saks on Fifth, Michael Kors and of course SEPHORA! 

New York is honestly nothing like you expect but everything you dream of. The city is beautiful and there is never a dull moment in the city that never sleeps! I'd recommend everyone to go and see it for yourself, I can't wait to return!!

xoxo

Happy New Year '15

So here it is, the first blog post of 2015. I know Im not super regular like my good friend Charlotte, so my first resolution will be to blog more often! I usually write marathon posts about things, but perhaps small and regular is the new way to go!

My previous new year was incredibly health and fitness focused, and although I am not as good as I used to be, I'd hate to think people don't believe in it all anymore. The things I have learnt about nutrition and my body over that period are life changing and once you learn things, you change your view of dieting and the likes. I will never diet (as in restrict my food intake again), if I wish to lose weight I will simply turn to a super healthy diet, and as a teenage girl with tendencies to want to restrict my eating, thats no bad thing! Working in my new job for Topshop/Topman is very busy, I do a lot more hours than I used to and Im in my final year of university so this year I will lack time! However, I have set myself goals for this year to work towards. The thing with resolutions is you run into them full force and run out of steam before you know it. You can't change your life in a month (a busy one at that if you work in retail!) But by simply adding in things to your life, you can improve it steadily, and when you reach 2016 you'll be better off than you were in 2014. So I challenge you all to set yourself goals to try and improve your wellbeing for 2015; I'll start by telling you mine!

1) Drink more water - Throughout all my training and health kick, the thing that makes the most difference is drinking more water. It cleared up my skin, flushed away my cellulite and left me feeling way more energised! Its such a simple thing too, so I don't understand how we all so easily fall short of it. But as I said, one day at a time! If you fail one day, just work on it the next.

2) Cooking - I cook a lot now, although I'd say my skills are fairly amateur. Better than your average student but not quite 'mum' territory. I also love cooking so have decided I'm going to really get into more this year. Again, Im not going to be able to cook every night straight away but by at least starting, it will be easier to get into the routine of cooking batch meals for when Im busy. The easiest way to learn to cook is probably through following recipes however, a lot of cookbook tend to specialise in indulgent cooking. A way to combat this is to buy a healthy cookbook, the one of choice has to be Fitter London. It has recipes that are all created with nutrition in mind, whilst still providing a wide variety of delicious and flavoursome meals! One thing I will always say is I don't believe in the generic diets. Scrap shakes and other weight loss branded products and just eat things that are fresh like meat and veg! Your food should go out of date quickly, it shouldn't be full of preservatives and additives. Merely restricted calories is also not a fix, I could eat 3 chocolate bars a day and remain under a calorie count, but eating chocolate everyday won't make you healthy nor will it be sustainable. Just eat three home cooked nutritious meals and you'll be healthier, happier and slimmer! Im hoping that by losing myself in learning to cook from this book, my health will also be improved as I'll be eating nutritiously again.

3) Relax! Again, something everyone majorly overlooks. Stress (or specifically the cortisol that is released when you are stressed) is so damaging for your body! It originally was only used to get a human/animal out of a dangerous situation and fast (much like adrenaline) It was never meant to just flow through your body on a daily basis thanks to evolution of careers, relationships and academia! I am currently finishing my degree in psychology and one of the best therapies to date is mindfulness. What some people may refer to as meditation. There are millions of links of youtube to guided meditation and I strongly advise you spend some time doing it. It refocuses your mind and combats anxiety, depression and stress meaning your body can begin to repair again. Sleep is also a major part of this, you should be getting 8 hours a night, preferably 11pm-7am as this is prime time for your body to benefit from growth hormones. Although Im not sure I will be able to afford it this year with all the exciting changes Im about to face, another great way to relax is by attending Pilates and yoga classes. I can't recommend them enough, they're so beneficial for not only physical health but mental health!

4) Do something you love. I'm only 20 and even I am realising life is short. Do something creative, write a blog, bake, read, write, sing, exercise, draw. Spend time developing your creativity or technical skills in something other than your job. You never know, it may end up being a business!!

So there they are, my new years resolutions as such, I advise you all to set yourself some goals and don't panic if they're not in full swing by next month. Change is a gradual process and as long as you have your goals written down to see, you'll be able to keep refocusing on them!

Happy New Year xoxox

Once upon a time...

Winter means one thing... SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) aka nobody can function thanks to the dark mornings, sub zero temperatures, university deadlines and the increase in Christmas retail hours! (yay for work!)

The only thing getting me through these dark days, is the thought of a relaxing in a hot bath and watching Sex and the City. And no bath s complete without LUSH. And I've made a new discovery for my addiction. LUSH KITCHEN. This is the lush website in which a special kitchen makes limited edition products and gifts for order. One of the Christmas Specials is the Once upon a Time gift set and as soon as I saw the products, I knew I had to have it!

 It took about three days to come, and had THE cutest packaging. The delivery charge is about £3.95 which is the same as a whole lush product, but I just HAD to try these christmas specials. (I'm such a sucker for these marketing tricks)

The other thing that really excited me about this set is it has three products I would actually use! Usually you'll get a soap or a massage bar which are lovely, but I just never really use them, and wouldn't buy them in the shop, so why spend the money as part of a set. However, a bubble bar, a bath bomb and a bath scrub are my favourite things to use in the bath so it was an all round winner!

The first product is the Gingerbread house bubble bar. My first thoughts are WHY ON EARTH ARE THEY NOT SELLING IT IN STORES. I get that the marketing will increase sales, but compared to the amount of people who would definitely buy this in shops for being so cute, they can't be making THAT much revenue through limiting the stock online. You have to be a Super Fan to buy yourself a gift set as well as pay delivery! Maybe they'll have it in stores next year, its just too gimmicky to not sell mainstream! And it is by the way, the cutest! It smells divine, of all things sweet and spice and the cute sprinkles and cinnamon stick chimney are delightful. I almost don't want to use it as its making my bathroom look so christmassy however, I cannot deny myself christmas bubbles so I will. I just wish I could repurchase this again and again...




The second product is the Christmas Angel Bath Bomb. Although it arrived to me in several pieces, all said pieces were in the box and since they dissolve to nothing in the bath anyway, it didn't entirely bother me that it had broken. They make every effort to keep the products well protected, but no force of hell can compete with
Royal Mail. Not quite sure if her face was like this before they sent it, or whether she's in trauma from the journey! However, this covers my two favourite things in life, pink and mint chocolate. It smells divine, Im usually sold on anything chocolate, but mint chocolate sends me over the edge. And it really did smell of chocolate! Its packed with cocoa butter and milk powder, and it made my bath so creamy! My skin felt amazing and I felt like I was bathing in a bowl of melted ice-cream. Its fairly small as bath bombs go, its the size of 'Ickle Bot', so my only complaint here is that it wasn't bigger!


Finally, the fairy tale sugar scrub. Again being a sucker for marketing, I was really amused by the sugar mouse, sugar scrub pun. And the fact that they used white chocolate buttons just took it to the next level. This box truly is full of my favourite things. It smelt like sweet strawberry milkshake and the course sugar scrubbed away all my excess dry skin (and fake tan!). It was one of the most efficient and amazing smelling scrubs I have ever used. I'll probably get 2-3 uses out of it, and for £3 something thats pretty good going! I hadn't used Lush's scrubs in this form before, but they did not disappoint. I didn't really know what to do with the wet scrub afterwards though so I popped it back in a spare lush bag I had, be sure to have a spare bag laying around unless you want to leave it welded to the side of the bath.


All in all, this gift set really did make some of my (Lush) dreams comes true. Every products was girly, sugary and Christmassy which is everything I look for in bath products. If these three products were in store, I'd buy them again and again and again, however I cannot afford to pay for them to deliver them to me each time so for now I'll look back with fond memories of them, and hope lush eventually sell them in stores!

Please check out Lush Kitchen though if you're a fan, they come up with crazy ideas and sometimes you're even treated to a meeting with an old friend... today for instance, they're making and selling 'Ma' Bars', and we all need those chocolately, toffee bubbles in our lives again!

https://www.lush.co.uk/kitchen

xoxox

Living Together...

So although this blog contains many beauty and fitness related posts, I can't help but write personal posts too. I am a very open and honest person, and sometimes that gets me into trouble but usually it just makes me the perfect person to console in. I also feel like you should be able to talk about any issues with people, especially your friends in the hope that you'll realise that things you think about are normal and you're not the only one. Im not advocating people putting incredibly personal things on Facebook etc, as I think theres a time a place for some things, however I trust that the people who take the time to read my blog will gain something from what I write about and so its worth sharing a little of myself.

My father recently sold the family home that I have lived in for the best part of 18 years and I moved into a smaller house with my brother, boyfriend and ofcourse my baby chihuahua Mister George. It's not a huge shock to me since a) most people my age live in student houses b) I was in the family home alone a lot of the time so I'm used to cooking and looking after myself. However, living in a small environment with your boyfriend (and brother for that!) has bought both ups and downs. 

My boyfriend and I have been together for around 8 months, and so in the scheme of things, not long at all. However, because his family home is in Ireland, in order to stay in England and keep me happy, he's needed a place to live. Around 3 months into our relationship, he moved into my family home. At first, it was heaven! Having your boyfriend at home all the time meant you never had to worry about making time to go and meet them, you could see your friends and do all your normal day to day activities and come home to them in the evening. I actually found it encouraged me to see more of my friends and go out for the day. It also meant I knew where he was at all time mwahahahahaa. (Ok creepy, but I know you girls think the same ;)!) Although spending loads of time together led to many petty arguments, I found shouting, slamming doors and storming off for a while was sufficient to release anger and continue with our relationship. In fact that's the thing I love most about us, no matter how angry we get with one another, we always end up working it out and laughing it off. Perhaps though, this is because we know we HAVE to work it out because we live together. Either way, its no bad thing! If we lived apart, I'm sure I'd have ignored him for days, sent a million texts and worried about the replies and annoyed my friends about it when talking directly to one another or just forgetting it is an instant and less destructive fix. 

Moving from a large house to a smaller one has also been an experience. The commitment of being on a tenancy together, as opposed to just having him in my family home was quite scary. I already knew we were capable of living together but this seemed like a huge thing! The other problem is, there is a lot less space to get away! Before we could run off to entirely different sides of the house, now were constantly in each others pockets, even when in different rooms, it doesn't feel like much distance! 

I'm not saying that living with James is a nightmare, because aside from his grumpiness, he is the ideal boyfriend. He loves me, he puts up with me and he's so well house trained! He does 90% of my washing up and other chores and he's the best daddy to my little Mister George.  Even now he still brings me cups of tea in the morning and at night! It's also like living with your best friend, we can have movie nights every night and get into TV series together. I always have someone to share my joys and moans with, in fact to share everything with!  You also have to factor in that our schedules now mean we are virtually never together. He leaves the house at about 10am and returns about 10.45pm from work. And I get up early in the mornings to go to university and spend the evenings alone winding down for the next morning. This means I have a lot of space to do girly things like watch Sex and The City or my new absolute favourite Keeping up with the Kardashians. I also have whole evenings to have my relaxing (lush) baths and do mini facials etc without worrying about anyone being around. 

In return, I try and make his life as happy as possible. I do the food shops and make sure his favourite foods are in, and I like to have dinner ready for him when he gets in from work as I know how tiring a full day of retail is as I do it myself 4 days a week! And I love that I get to express that caring part of personality on a daily basis. Its also so great to have someone to share your day with, and experience everyday life with. If someones going to understand you, they have to live your life and with that said, he should have a Phd in how I think and feel. Another aspect is the fact that I no longer have parents to go home to, and I think people who live in their family home underestimate how comforting it is to be surrounded by family. Obviously having a mum to look after you is a huge bonus, but I try not to think about that! So to have people (including my brother) live with me, and talk to me in the evenings really does maintain my need for care and attention. Don't get me wrong, I have fantastic family members around me that I truly cherish, and I know love me to pieces, but its not the same as having people physically living with you every day. One day if I win the lottery, I will buy a house and move us all in together. 

On the whole then, living with my boyfriend is a positive experience. However, I have recently become very aware of a few fears and wonder how much strain our relationship is experiencing. Obviously with him getting home so late, and me needing to get up for university, I am usually in my pyjamas, make up free and hair scraped back. I know he loves me for me, and I shouldn't have to feel I need to be made up around him all the time blah blah but I can't even stand the look of myself in the evening and I don't have to look at me never mind be attracted to me. At 24, he probably isn't that excited by the prospect of going home to a mumsy frumpy girlfriend, in her dressing gown every night. And it must be incredibly hard for him spending all day in Bluewater around highly made up fashionable girls, and coming home to Mrs Frumps. Especially since when we first met he made a comment about how the girl he used to live with was always in her pajama bottoms making it impossible to ever find her attractive. He's also experienced a lot of my grumpy side, and once a month, my crazy aggressive side! I know he loves me for my ugly side too, but I don't want that view of me to become the norm. Its hard to stay this beautiful and hot girlfriend when you have nowhere to hide! Obviously I'm dolled up in the day but we don't see each other in the day at all anymore. He might get to see me at my best once a week, but that means 90% of the time he's only seeing the rubbish looking Evie. I am terrified he will get bored of me and our relationship will end because we've drifted apart. And before all your feminists start shouting at me, I'm guilty too. I see him coming home from work tired, and first thing in the morning when he's grumpy. So sometimes its hard to remember the honeymoon period!! And there are times I'm guilty of wondering what it would be like if I could run away with Oliver Sykes, although I imagine it would turn out much the same! The grass is never greener and I need to remind myself of how lucky I am to be with such an amazing boyfriend, everyday. 

No relationship is perfect, and I think the reason we work so well is because we really try at it and have accepted each others flaws. I think a lot of people just give up too early now a days, although life is short so sometimes that is the best option too! Who knows if its forever, Im only 20, but I'd like to think I've found a good one which I'd be stupid to lose. 

Hope this wasn't too much information for you all, 

Evie xoxo 

Its the most wonderful time of the year...

Post-Summer blues are comforted by one fact. LUSH COSMETICS BRING OUT THEIR FESTIVE RANGE. The 9 month gap when I am deprived of the festive products is a dark place, but thankfully I have made it another year and it was worth the wait! Here are some of my favourite products..

Halloween....

                                                      

Northern Lights

This firework esque delight is called Northern Lights. Jasmine and Ylang-Ylang make this a floral and relaxing delight with all the fun of fireworks. The swirling colours and burst of glitter stars are enough to make any bath exciting. Its also exciting to see a bath bomb take a different shape! 

Lord of Misrule 

Lord of Misrule is the bath bomb for all wannabe young witches. Its spicy wine fragrance and swirling of surprise colours instantly turns any bath into a cauldron of spells. Not to    

                                                         mention the cheeky popping 

                                                         candy that fizzes. 

Sparkly Pumpkin

                                                                                                 
Sparkly Pumpkin does what it says on the tin. Its a bubble bar so needs crumbling under hot water to create bubbles. Its everything I love about October, its spicy pumpkin scent warms your soul, along with leaving your water a vibrant orange. The gold glitter will stick to your skin, so its perfect if you're going out this halloween and want to look glam! I used to think the biggest pumpkins were the best, now I know the best ones come in small (recycled) packages.

Christmas...

Snow Angel

The Melting Snowman 

I wanted to start with the Bath Melts as they are something I have only recently fallen in love with. These don't need crumbling, nor do they fizz, they simply melt in the hot water and release lots of gorgeous oils which leave the skin feeling ridiculously soft. Its the lazy girls method of moisturising your entire body whilst relaxing. 

Star Light, Star Bright

 The Melting Snowman was out last year and he is such a cutie. With almond oil and cocoa butter it's like bathing in a bath of buttery dessert, not to mention the chocolate eyes and buttons.

Star Light, Star Bright is THE most sparkly thing in lush. And thats a huge claim! Holding this thing leaves a film of silver on your fingers. It melts into bath and completely coats the water in shimmery glitter and lime oils to create insanely fresh and glamorous skin. I like to use this one before partying or on christmas eve so I sparkle all day afterwards.

Snow Angel is a gorgeous marriage between the two previously mentioned. It has all cocoa and almondy goodness of melting snowman with all the glitter of Star Light Star Bright except in a gorgeous gold edition.

 

Cinders

                                                         
Cinders is a classic, and although it comes out every year I still end up purchasing it. Its a little bath bomb that fizzes and crackles with popping candy, and leaves an aroma of cinnamon which I wish is the epitome of Christmas. Its definitely my go to winter warmer over the Christmas period, and at a smaller size, its a cheaper option too! Although in my case its just an excuse to buy multiple.

Golden Wonder

Golden Wonder, no not the crisps! This again is a bath bomb, that fizzes away in the midst of a rainbow of colours. It really does unwrap like a present. The first layer is gold glitter, because lush love their glitter! The rest I'll leave as a surprise ;)

Yog Nog Soap

                                                             Although I'm not a huge fan of soaps, (mainly because shower gel is so much easier to use) this had to be mentioned for its scent alone. This smells like Christmas spices, mixed with cream and custard and all things sweet and gorgeous. Its then dusted with cocoa powder. What more could a girl ask for? The consistency of the soap is also a creamy delight and melts in your hands. Go into the shop and smell this, it'll make your day.

Magic Wand 

 Magic Wand came out last year for the first time and it blew my mind. Its scented like candy and leaves your bath the most gorgeous vibrant pink. And what more could I ask for than a pink, candy smelling bath? The stick takes away the effort of crumbling the bar, all you have to do is swirl this in the bath. You also won't need to use the whole thing in one bath, so you'll get a few uses. In my book, thats a bargain ;)

Drummers drumming is much like the magic wand, with an additional yellow side. Its so cute as it actually resembles an old school toy, and yes I did try and make a noise with it, and yes it does work!!

Drummers Drumming

Finally, I cannot do a Lush Christmas blog post without the mention of Snow Fairy. If you know me, you'll know my three favourite things are pink, glitter and candy. And this shower gel has all three of those things. Its perfect, and thats the reason it sells out immediately each year. Grab a bottle now, before its too late. YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.

Spa Day at Hempstead House

So last friday, my lovely and generous aunty took me and my cousin to a spa day at Hempstead house. My first impressions of the place were that they were incredibly welcoming.
When we arrived we were given a complimentary coffee and our welcome packs including an itinerary, an information sheet to fill out about ourselves including our personal skin problems and other body worries as well as general medical conditions. We were then asked to choose our lunch from a menu. The menu was very accommodating for all tastes and it was actually difficult to choose!

When we were ready we were shown to the spa, and were given robes and slippers to put on. If you have been on a spa day you will know the BEST part of spa days is being able to spend the day in robes! We went into the spa which had a lovely swimming pool, jacuzzi and a hydrotherapy pool which was a lot of jets and water spurts which pummel your muscles! Ofcourse there was a sauna and steam room too. It was so lovely to just relax with my lovely family and enjoy the jets and steam room. Another cute touch was the iced lemon water jugs and glasses around the pool as well as twinkly lights above the pool and loungers. The whole place was so relaxing and well thought out.

After an hour or two relaxing, I got out for my first treatment. In our package we were entitled to one 60 minute treatment. However, because my aunty spoils me, she also paid for me and my cousin to have another treatment of our choice and we went for the body polish. I went upstairs to the treatment rooms and the girls were just SO lovely. The body polish treatment was to die for, the scrub they used was by a brand called Pervonia and the whole treatment was scented with papaya. After getting a limb by limb scrub down, I was asked to rinse off in the shower and lay back down to have moisturiser applied. I left the treatment feeling with skin like silk and smelling like the Caribbean, it was one of the nicest treatments Ive ever had.

One of the best features of Hempstead House was its relaxation lounge. Inside were loungers made into bed with soft mattresses, neck pillows and thick blankets. There were tea, coffee and lemon water all provided so you could relax, hydrate and even take a nap. Its very surreal napping in a public place, however because everyone was so relaxed and the atmosphere was so comfortable it was easy to unwind.

We then went back downstairs for lunch, ofcourse still in our robes! The food was so tasty yet so refreshing! And the service was quick and attentive, I really cannot fault them for their hospitality.

It was then time for my facial. As a young, hormonal and stressed girl my skin has hated me recently so I was in desperate need of this facial. The girl asked me all about my skin and my current skincare routine. She then proceeded to talk me through all the steps of the facial she would perform including the use of a steamer on the skin to help open the pores. The whole treatment was everything I needed and more, the added extra of a neck and shoulder massage really sent me over the edge into heaven! After the treatment I was so relaxed and so sleepy and my skin was absolutely glowing! I could tell the difference immediately. I was then handed the list of products used again by Pervonia, along with a list of chemicals and ingredients I could check for in my current skincare routine, and why to avoid them. As a beauty blogger this was incredibly interesting!

After another relax in the lounge it was sadly time to leave. I couldn't have been more impressed with the place overall, especially at such a good price. Its incredible value for money and I'd recommend it to anyone although I feel slightly bitter for having to share it with you! I shall leave the links below so you can look at all the packages and treatments for yourself!

We loved it so much, we've booked again at the end of February as a treat before my 21st Birthday!

A huge thank you to my Aunty for forcing me to de-stress when I really needed it, and who making me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Let me know if you do check it out, you'll love it!

Evie

xxxx

Click here to view Spa Days!!

Love, Lies and Tunder Ties...

So first of all I have to make a huge apology for being the worlds worst blogger and just having 3 months off! My macbook exploded and I was so busy living life I forgot to write about it. And really I wasn't particularly inspired to write anything and therefore feel it wouldn't have any reading value. If I'm honest, I lost a lot of my momentum somewhere during exams and just haven't had the time to get it back! My boyfriend is currently living with me and so I am spending a lot of time with him and not much time having whole evenings being self indulgent.

I'm still not in the full swing of blogging again so this post will be a short collections of things I've learned over the past couple of months that I have neglected you.

1) Having a boyfriend takes up an incredible amount of time. I guess I haven't quite established that balance of having my own life again after the consuming addiction that is the honeymoon period. I still haven't rejoined a gym, and I do miss that side of things a lot. I'm lucky enough to have maintained my body despite the drastic change in diet and activity levels. However I still have my knowledge of nutrition and exercise so getting back to my peak will only be a matter of time.

2) The grass is not greener. I think anyone like me who tends to be a long term relationship person, suffers from this more than others. I've only had about 3 months of being single since I was 16. So compared to a lot of people I know, I have less experience of "playing the field". I realise this is probably a good trait. However sometimes I can't help but envy Carrie Bradshaw for all those several hundred dates she got taken on my different individuals. However, I realise now since being in love again that being attractive to a guy is fun and it is nice getting the attention. But it's one thing to get guys to look at you and appreciate your exterior. However when your boyfriend looks at you, not only does he see your looking hot, but he sees your ambitions, your ability to love and even knows the things that hurt you. Even when I was laying there recently struck down with flu, I swore I'd
never let any man see me in such a state and he still adored me just the same as when I'm fully made up and not opening a small tissue factory. And that acceptance has been one of the most beautiful experiences I have learned from. They can see straight into your heart, and want you more than any guy could want you just by simply looking at your exterior.

3) Despite my previous gooey love post. NEVER live with your boyfriend. I am now unable to go to the toilet without fear of him unlocking the door with a penny, running in and embarrassing me. And those days when you're feeling the wrath of hormones causing you to be psycho bitch of the century, the days you avoid all human contact for the safety of the public, well they get the full force of those mood swings hitting them like a steel freight train. Sometimes you just need to be alone!

4) You can't please everyone. I've been shedding friends recently and it's mainly down to exam stress causing me to be the psycho bitch mentioned above and also having less time for people due to being in a new relationship. All of my oldest and best friends didn't really bat an eyelid as we could go months without talking and still be like family. And a lot of them understood how hard exams are to go through. However, some people do get really upset if you start neglecting them but if you don't wanna be friends with me because we didn't hang out enough then maybe I'm not the friend for you as personally I think the best friendships are low maintenance. Just because I'm not seeing you doesn't mean I don't think about or appreciate you so there's really no need to delete me on Facebook after years of friendship. I cared enough to notice. But again, maybe a friendship so easily broken is not worth it anyway. On top of that, I was getting upset because I had a bad experience with someone recently and usually I get on with people very well. However as Dita Von Teese once said "you can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world but there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches". I still have amazing best friends who stick by me through everything so why I got so hung up on someone who is completely irrelevant to my life, I will never know! Sometimes you have to realise that you're 20 and not in the playground anymore, have adult perspectives on things  and accept that life changes.

5) Hard Work does pay off. So those exams I've been going on about half killed me. Waking up everyday and knowing all I would be doing all day is reading content over and over again everyday for two months is a depressing. I couldn't even allow myself one hour let alone time to watch a movie without a cloud of guilt consuming me. I was suffering from such intense pressure that my health (let alone my mental health) actually began deteriorating which meant less efficiency and ability to concentrate which led to feelings of failure which led to even more pressure. I cried nearly everyday and I could see no end. When the exams finally came, they were all horrific. However, turns out they chose such particular questions that only people who had scoured the resources endlessly would even be able to write a brief attempt. Thus separating who had made the effort and who hadn't without the need of an elaborate well structured essay response. And so, I managed to get a first in them. Including my highest score in my hardest module. It was a lovely surprise and made the struggle worth it. However I will still continue to doubt myself next year as arrogance gets you nowhere.

6) Stop Worrying! I have a job I love. A degree that's going very well (for now). A loyal and loving boyfriend. And the best friends a girl could ask for.

HATERZ GONE HATE.

Xxx

P.s The title to this post is the realisation that my blog name is not Irish accent friendly. And that I'm obsessed with making my boyfriend say words that sound different in Irish and laughing every time.

Love Lies and Thunder thighs...

So, this is the first time in the last month I have had an evening to myself to just relax and do girly things. And of course no pamper evening is complete without a blog post! Theres been a lot of things I have wanted to write about recently but haven't had the time, or wasn't sure how worth a whole blog post it would be, so instead I am going to do a general blog about love, lies and thunder thighs!!! After all, thats what the blog claims to cover!

First of all, I have to massively eat my own words. In my last blog post I wrote about how much I was loving being by myself, and I had my routine sorted and boyfriends were bad news. But then I met James. And yes, Isla de Evangeline has been thrown into chaos! I said I didn't want a boyfriend, because they were bad news, but he has completely changed my view on love. He's the loveliest guy you'll ever meet and everything a boyfriend is meant to be, he makes me incredibly happy and even when Im a complete bitch to him, he always looks beyond it all because he knows whats behind the walls. Oh and he's Irish. Its soppy, and its everything I thought I hated, but its happening, so I need to embrace it. And yes, he made me order dominoes, and yes I am fat. But I've learnt that perhaps a skinny body isn't worth an unhappy mind right now. Which leads me on to my next point..

Because its been exam period, I have been horrifically stressed. I have been up till 4.30am most mornings finishing essays and revising for tests. And of course the only way to keep yourself awake at these ridiculous times involves a lot of comfort eating and calories. On top of this, my beloved gym went into liquidation, which broke my heart into two. However, I felt like the place was consuming me slightly, so perhaps it was a good thing… I guess what I'm trying to say is, my entire routine and structure which I so preached about has been totally thrown off track. And part of me resents this fact, as I worked so hard on my body and it took me months to get to under 8.5 stone, and now I've hit 9 stone in a matter of weeks. I totally hate my body currently, I feel huge and I have the cellulite from hell, but right now I have to focus on exams! But I do plan to get back on track in a few weeks and go at it harder than before with a fresh mind! I think it has been a good thing however, I was going to the gym twice a day, I was in an obsessive cycle of eating, exercising and judging my body and recently (for very small moments in time) I have not cared about my body, and my new boyfriend has helped with this a lot by telling me I'm beautiful without my super defined abs (not that I believe him!!!). A huge thing I miss about exercising however is the endorphins! I miss that release I got from exercising and relaxing and definitely need it back in my life!

So aside from boyfriends and body dysmorphia, Its EASTER SUNDAY tomorrow. Easter has always been a huge event in my family, and I have some happy and some sad memories of the day. I always reflect on how different things are a year later, so whats different this year? Well I am in charge! I have my family and best friends/boyfriend coming over. I'm so happy that I have another year with my old friends, and also that I'm sharing my first easter with new friends! The only sad tinge is that this year Easter Sunday also falls on the same day as my late mothers birthday. I was going to write a blog post on dealing with grief, and perhaps I still will, but for now all I have to say on the matter is that days like Mothers Day and Birthdays are hard, but I miss her every single day. Every single morning I wake up and know she's not there. The pain never goes away, it never worsens or dulls, its just constant. Every single time I meet new people, I know I have to eventually face the awkward conversation when they start asking about your parents and you have to let them know. And thats probably one the worst bits, how awkward other people get around you. Its hard enough coping, without people asking you how you're coping! It's sad that she isn't here to meet my new friends/boyfriend and to share the day but I strong believe things wouldn't be the same if she was here, so you can't think too much into things. But yes, in short I'll be ok, because I manage to cope with it every other day.

Another thing I wanted to mention was Anxiety. Being by myself for so long left me never going out, never drinking, never having fun, never hanging out with friends or doing anything that normal students do. And thanks to the coolest group of friends, they have managed to get me to loosen up and start enjoying being 20 before I regret never having lived! And I've not stopped smiling for 6 weeks now.

After such a busy month of getting fat, falling in love, hanging out with new friends, studying till dawn and working in Abercrombie and Fitch, its been lovely to have one evening to reflect on it all. I can honestly say I am incredibly happy with life right now. I love my colleagues and have the best managers in the entire world. My university course is stressful, but I got 96/100 for those tests I stayed up studying for. I have a boyfriend who thinks the world of me. And my best friends are some of the most incredible people you'll ever meet. Oh and I spent £120 on easter eggs to show my gratitude! Oops!

Now time to drink my peppermint tea, fake tan, do my nails, and put a face mask on.

Ciao xoxo

Isla de Evangeline

So this post is inspired by the bit in 'About a Boy' in which Hugh Grant describes himself as an island. Long story short its where you develop a way of life completely self-indulged and generally in solace. And unfortunately this has reminded me of myself a lot lately…

I tend not to discuss relationships on my blog, in order not to hurt anyone involved, however it wouldn't be 'LOVE, lies and thunder thighs' without some mention of my love life…

Unfortunately my last relationship of around 3 years ended, and since then I have been in a self-rehabilitation process of trying to rebuild myself a life, since my last one revolved around my boyfriend. In doing this I completely filled my time with university, my job, involving myself with the church, blogging, seeing friends, exercising, and taking control of my diet. And although that doesn't seem like too hard a life, its incredibly stressful to organise shift work around lectures, gym classes, meetings and maintain friendships! On top of that, I have been trying extremely hard to keep a strict diet, which includes a lot of cooking in advance, and organising meal plans etc. My life would fall apart if it wasn't for the 3 diaries I use to plan it!

My life had become a complete routine. Wake up, take my supplements, eat my pre-planned breakfast, attend my lectures, eat morning snacks, cook lunch, more supplements, go to work, come home, eat again, attend gym classes, cook dinner, wash, organise my diary and sleep, repeat. And being the anxious type, having such a structure has really helped me cope with all the goings on!

However, I seem to have forgotten to timetable in fun and a relationship. It seems I was so caught up in organising and coping I'd left no room for spontaneity never mind a boyfriend. I always think about being alone, who doesn't want to be in love, but the fact of the matter is, right now I don't know where I'd fit him in! Its something I am struggling with recently, as the more I spend time with someone, the less my routine functions which stresses me out. But which is more important? Obviously a balance can be found, but it just seems like another thing to try and slot into my schedule. I'm not sure I can take on much more commitment!

I just love my life of keeping fit and healthy, and drinking tea with my dogs, and blogging and doing everything I want to do on my time and the thought of breaking that habit is so daunting for me!

Perhaps, since I was cheated on, this is my way of protecting myself and letting nobody else in. And perhaps its good for me to be so independent and find myself after having been consumed by another person for so long. And Im only 20, nows the best time to do the things I want to do!

As well as this, being single is a totally new way of life for me. Suddenly I can do what I want, when I want, dress how I like, blog about what I like, flirt with whoever I want, see whoever I want, be with friends and family and not constantly have to worry about being or contacting another person. Being so independent has been a breath of fresh air for me, and has meant I have spent so much time with a lot of my friends which I fear I wouldn't have done if I was still in a relationship… Relationships are a lot of work, but then maybe if I was with the right person they wouldn't be.

But the right person would have to be someone who understood my constant need for organisation, eating specific foods at specific times, sleeping and waking at specific times, following the same routine consistently, and being able to give me space on top of that. And understanding why I do it, and not trying to lure me into having a Dominoes night or skipping training sessions/meals. And thats a lot for somebody to deal with!

I feel like wherever a relationship is involved, theres always drama. The second you even admit to liking someone, you are no longer allowed to speak to certain people, or act in a certain way and I don't like being told what to do! Not that my last boyfriend physically stopped me, its just the nature of being with someone and not wanting to upset them!

I never understood people who didn't want a girlfriend/boyfriend, but now Im maturing, Im starting to understand it more and more. And currently I feel so secure with my best friends and family that Im not looking for someone to lean on and share my happiness and sorrows with, as I already have that in abundance. And a life without arguments and having someone to depend on you is so care-free and easy! My biggest problem is Im such a flirt, and I do enjoy the attention that comes with boys chasing you, but I know in my heart although its fun, its not a sustainable life… but being single isn't such a sin is it?

However, I realise I can't be alone forever nor is it healthy to have such a controlled routine in my life and perhaps I should come round to the idea of letting somebody co-habit on Isle de Evangeline! Eventually….

20 going on...

So as you may or may not have gathered from my various social media platforms, I turned 20 over the weekend. And it was one of the best birthdays I have had for various reasons and it has caused me to do a lot of reflection about how life has changed, specifically in comparison to my last birthday…

Last year, I woke up with my boyfriend of 2 years who had bought me lots of lovely presents, and we had champagne and pan au chocolats for Breakfast.

This year, the only male I woke up with was my chihuahua George, and I had some protein pancakes and a herbal tea for breakfast alone.

As you can see, life has changed!

However, I can categorically say that I am a much happier person now, than I was then and its because I've had time to really focus on myself and what is most important over the past 12 months.

I have totally taken over management of my lifestyle. Concentrating on my diet, my health, my fitness, my happiness and my goals etc. I have created a whole structure to my life with meal planning, exercise programmes, sleep curfews and keeping a journal/diary to keep me organised as well as my friends and my social life.

This may sound monotonous or extreme, but I promise you, for a girl who is overwhelmed with anxiety, this feeling of control and structure is a blessing!

I now have a job working at Abercrombie and Fitch, which gives me real purpose and independence by earning my own income, let alone the amount of new and engaging people I have met. As well as studying for my Degree which keeps me focused and academically challenged.

As well as just the obvious ones, I try and immerse myself in other enriching activities such as learning about new topics (for example, nutrition) through online seminars, and even the upkeep of this blog is what keeps my creative juices flowing!

Another hugely important thing I have learned this Birthday is how cherished my friends are and how important it is to build upon relationships with the good people in your life. All of my consistent 'life lines' as I call them, are girls I have been friends with since Nursery. And 17 years of friendship is something you cannot replace with the affection of any boyfriend. They have been through thick and thin with me, and know me inside out, probably even better than I know myself and without them I would be nothing. They are the reason this birthday was so special and the quality time I got with each of them was the best birthday gift I could have recieved. The thought and generosity behind their efforts on my birthday are testament to why I love them, and I never want a birthday without them :)

Not only old friends, but the amount of new friends who completely spoiled me this birthday overwhelmed me. I have never felt so blessed and truly lucky to be surrounded by such positive and giving people!

I am not a perfect person and my life is far from it. I suffer from down days more than people will ever know, and I am insecure about a lot of things in my life. However, I am blessed in so many great ways and therefore I refuse to let sadness overcome me. Ofcourse I'm still gonna cry over boys, and if its the right time of the month, Im likely to cry over inanimate objects too, but I am so thankful for the last 20 years, and those I have spent it with and I can only hope that I learn half as much as I have learnt this year. Life is so short, cherish the ones you love and don't waste time or tears on those who leave your life as quick as they enter it :)

I'd also like to mention that the moment I realised I was older, was when I got excited over my new teabags being individually wrapped in envelopes. YOLO.

Picture above, are Zoe, Michelle and one half of Lucy and Laura. These 4 girls put as much effort into my 20th Birthday as they did for this birthday and thats why I love them to the moon and back. And even though everything else in our lives may change, I know our friendship won't!