So, this is the first time in the last month I have had an evening to myself to just relax and do girly things. And of course no pamper evening is complete without a blog post! Theres been a lot of things I have wanted to write about recently but haven't had the time, or wasn't sure how worth a whole blog post it would be, so instead I am going to do a general blog about love, lies and thunder thighs!!! After all, thats what the blog claims to cover!
First of all, I have to massively eat my own words. In my last blog post I wrote about how much I was loving being by myself, and I had my routine sorted and boyfriends were bad news. But then I met James. And yes, Isla de Evangeline has been thrown into chaos! I said I didn't want a boyfriend, because they were bad news, but he has completely changed my view on love. He's the loveliest guy you'll ever meet and everything a boyfriend is meant to be, he makes me incredibly happy and even when Im a complete bitch to him, he always looks beyond it all because he knows whats behind the walls. Oh and he's Irish. Its soppy, and its everything I thought I hated, but its happening, so I need to embrace it. And yes, he made me order dominoes, and yes I am fat. But I've learnt that perhaps a skinny body isn't worth an unhappy mind right now. Which leads me on to my next point..
Because its been exam period, I have been horrifically stressed. I have been up till 4.30am most mornings finishing essays and revising for tests. And of course the only way to keep yourself awake at these ridiculous times involves a lot of comfort eating and calories. On top of this, my beloved gym went into liquidation, which broke my heart into two. However, I felt like the place was consuming me slightly, so perhaps it was a good thing… I guess what I'm trying to say is, my entire routine and structure which I so preached about has been totally thrown off track. And part of me resents this fact, as I worked so hard on my body and it took me months to get to under 8.5 stone, and now I've hit 9 stone in a matter of weeks. I totally hate my body currently, I feel huge and I have the cellulite from hell, but right now I have to focus on exams! But I do plan to get back on track in a few weeks and go at it harder than before with a fresh mind! I think it has been a good thing however, I was going to the gym twice a day, I was in an obsessive cycle of eating, exercising and judging my body and recently (for very small moments in time) I have not cared about my body, and my new boyfriend has helped with this a lot by telling me I'm beautiful without my super defined abs (not that I believe him!!!). A huge thing I miss about exercising however is the endorphins! I miss that release I got from exercising and relaxing and definitely need it back in my life!
So aside from boyfriends and body dysmorphia, Its EASTER SUNDAY tomorrow. Easter has always been a huge event in my family, and I have some happy and some sad memories of the day. I always reflect on how different things are a year later, so whats different this year? Well I am in charge! I have my family and best friends/boyfriend coming over. I'm so happy that I have another year with my old friends, and also that I'm sharing my first easter with new friends! The only sad tinge is that this year Easter Sunday also falls on the same day as my late mothers birthday. I was going to write a blog post on dealing with grief, and perhaps I still will, but for now all I have to say on the matter is that days like Mothers Day and Birthdays are hard, but I miss her every single day. Every single morning I wake up and know she's not there. The pain never goes away, it never worsens or dulls, its just constant. Every single time I meet new people, I know I have to eventually face the awkward conversation when they start asking about your parents and you have to let them know. And thats probably one the worst bits, how awkward other people get around you. Its hard enough coping, without people asking you how you're coping! It's sad that she isn't here to meet my new friends/boyfriend and to share the day but I strong believe things wouldn't be the same if she was here, so you can't think too much into things. But yes, in short I'll be ok, because I manage to cope with it every other day.
Another thing I wanted to mention was Anxiety. Being by myself for so long left me never going out, never drinking, never having fun, never hanging out with friends or doing anything that normal students do. And thanks to the coolest group of friends, they have managed to get me to loosen up and start enjoying being 20 before I regret never having lived! And I've not stopped smiling for 6 weeks now.
After such a busy month of getting fat, falling in love, hanging out with new friends, studying till dawn and working in Abercrombie and Fitch, its been lovely to have one evening to reflect on it all. I can honestly say I am incredibly happy with life right now. I love my colleagues and have the best managers in the entire world. My university course is stressful, but I got 96/100 for those tests I stayed up studying for. I have a boyfriend who thinks the world of me. And my best friends are some of the most incredible people you'll ever meet. Oh and I spent £120 on easter eggs to show my gratitude! Oops!
Now time to drink my peppermint tea, fake tan, do my nails, and put a face mask on.
Ciao xoxo
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